Life of Rachael


Clouds are weird yo.

I hate being angry. Right now I feel like I would be a dick or cause problems if I said anything about it. Now is the time to take a deep breathe and figure out how to have a decent conversation…hopefully without screwing shit up too badly.

Diary entry “7/20/14 11:37pm: She Said Yes”

At a certain point you know you have got to do something. And sometimes you know you have got to do it differently than before. In my past, I have liked a girl and it has gone something like this:
“Hey, I like you. Do you like me?”
“No, I only like you as a friend.”
That rejection has always been a hard pill to swallow for me. And thinking about how or when to tell a girl I like her has always been stressful. Both of these were/are very bad for my mental health.

And then sometimes romantic interest would be mutual. I do not know now it would get to that point. Flirting or a confession? I do not know. But we would talk and flirt every day. We would start with deep/personal conversations, daily good mornings and good nights, sexting, etc. Sometimes we would get to a kiss or further, but that was rare. None of it led to a date or a relationship. Everything moved quickly.

So I have learned from the past. Fast moving is not good. Neither is abruptly shoving your feelings down someone’s throat. It is all stressful and pressure inducing. It is like constantly waiting for a relationship to quickly begin. It does not make sense and it is scary. That is a really hard reality to live in.

This time I waited for a few weeks at least. While I have known this girl for over a month, we really began to hang out a lot over the last few weeks. Maybe a bit too much in some cases, but we did not and do not talk constantly. It is not a “I must talk to you 24/7” kind of thing. It’s casual and rarely flirty. It’s an occasional “I had fun today/tonight” message.

Finally I asked instead of telling. I did not say “Hey, I am interested in you!” I asked “Can I take you out sometime?” When she said “Yes”, I just about lost my mind. I am still loosing it. I thought “Holy shit, she said yes.” I still think that. Why? Well, it has been a while since anyone has taken an interest in me that I have also been interested in. I learned to expect “no”…to expect rejection…and to prepare myself to swallow that pill. Or I left the pill far away while still leaving no room for acceptance.

She said “yes” and I am excited, yet scared. I don’t want rejection to spark up at later. Our date is tomorrow (technically today because it is past midnight now).

Ever since I heard this song like 8 months ago, I still love it. I cannot get enough of this song. Def. my favorite by them so far.